The wedding

Yesterday I was invited to witness the nuptials of 'Dodgy' Dave Davies and his Colombian fiancee, Margarita.

I'm not sure if the informality of the event was typical of Colombia, but it was certainly unlike any wedding I have ever been to. It was a civil affair held in a partially-decorated restaurant, a lovely venue with views over downtown Bogota. The weather was also perfect, for the first time in weeks a bright sun was beating down on the city.

But it was the service itself that was odd. At all weddings and public events there is always someone who forgets to tun off their mobile and gets a call. This is usually cause for great embarrassment and a gently chiding joke from the vicar. But when this happened to a close relative of the bride, she stood up and with a loud "allo?" walked off down the aisle to take the call. Meanwhile a puppy (that somebody had thought it fitting to bring along) was barking and trying to tear off a section of a woman's dress. Adding to the surreal atmosphere was a small clockwork penis that from time to time hopped past the happy couple. It had been bought for Margarita's hen night but had somehow fallen into the hands of her six-year-old son. There was also a tense moment when it seemed that the union might not be confirmed. At the end of the vows the register had to be signed. Suddenly Dave let out a string of expletives and turned to the congregation. "They want me to give my fingerprints! What's going on? I'm not even a criminal . . . anymore."