Home Thoughts, From Abroad

The arrival of April always makes me feel sentimental for England, and as Robert Borwning wrote:

Oh, to be in England
Now that April´s there,
And whoever wakes in England
Sees, some morning, unaware,
That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf
Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf,
While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough
In England - now!

But I was grateful to Paul for sending me the following report from the Guardian, which helped snuff out this maudlin homesickness:

Britain's youngest drink-driver punched a prosecutor in the back, threw a jug of water at magistrates and hurled abuse at court officials as she was told she would be locked up for four months.

Proceedings at Newbury youth court stopped yesterday when Leanne Black, 14, kicked a chair over and lunged at prosecuting lawyer Lesley Gilmore. The teenager raced around the courtroom swearing at officials and grappling with members of her family before security guards, who had been alerted when Mrs Gilmore pressed a panic button in the court, arrived and led her away.

The hearing resumed after lunch in a different courtroom. Before her outburst, Black, wearing a white tracksuit and a gold chain, told magistrates that she had changed her ways. She said: "I'm sorry for my behaviour and what I've done. I know what I have done to my dad and stuff."

Black had arrived at court armed with eggs - to pelt photographers with - and her mother, Nora, also contributed to the day's events by sticking out her bottom for the cameras and saying "film this".

In a way I miss chavs. They really know how to brighten up a city centre.

The date with Paula, the lovely lawyer, didn´t happen yesterday. The day flew by and by the time I called there was no answer. Oh well. I ended up going to a few local bars with a Swedish Colombian photographer called Danny and a couple of girls from the hostel. It was very late when we got back, and my last memory is of being stopped at the door to my dormitory by an American bloke who stepped out of the shadows with a smoking apple.

After getting up very late today I went downtown to a parade marking the opening of Bogota´s theatre festival. It was quite remarkable, it went on for about three hours. The atmosphere was very much how I would imagine Rio carnival to be. There were people on stilts, firebreathers, marching bands, samba dancers, hobby horses and, my favourite part, a naked lady on a swing inside a big perspex box. She got the biggest cheer.

I´m now preparing myself for the party in the salt mine, which apparently is going to be about 200ft underground. I´m feeling very tired, but if I start to flag later I can at least lick the walls.